Son mujeres, valientes y decididas, que eligen cuidar de bebés o niños en situación de vulnerabilidad hasta que encuentren un hogar seguro. Ellas están cuando las necesitan y dicen adiós en el momento indicado. Y a pesar de saber que su protección es algo temporario, dan cariño sin medida. Son madres de acogimiento y comprenden que el verbo amar solo se conjuga en modo incondicional.

Por Florencia Vercellone

Ilustración: Ángeles Cattaneo

La palabra acoger proviene del latín y significa “admitir en casa, dar refugio”. Se dice que somos bien acogidos cuando alguien, un tercero, muchas veces desconocido por nosotros, nos recibe en su hogar desinteresadamente. En el mes en el que honramos a nuestras madres, quisimos hacer foco en mujeres que deciden criar durante el tiempo necesario a pequeños alejados de sus familias de origen, con el único propósito de dar amor.

Ser madres, ser hogar

Karina, Gabriela y Silvia son madres de acogimiento. Cada una de ellas experimentó de manera diferente el cuidado de bebés, ya sea por el tiempo que lo tuvieron o por las problemáticas de cada uno. Sin embargo, algo tienen en común: las tres aseguran que lo vivido no se parece a nada anterior, ni siquiera a tener un hijo. Ellas han descubierto que hay algo mucho más poderoso que ser simplemente madres.

Karina: “No hay que pensarlo, hay que vivirlo”

Desde el primer momento en que uno conoce a Karina, sabe que tiene energía de sobra. Y de sobra significa, en este caso, criar a cuatro hijos y querer ser, a los 43 años, mamá de acogimiento. Pero no es que dé solo el amor que le sobra, sino todo lo contrario, ya que asegura que no pudo evitar “enamorarse locamente” del niño que cuida desde hace ocho meses. “A O.* lo tenemos desde que tiene cuatro días. Salió de la panza de la mamá, estuvo con controles por haber nacido en la calle y del hospital se vino conmigo, hasta ahora que tiene ocho meses y medio. Digamos que está conmigo desde toda su vida”, cuenta, mientras ceba mates y ofrece galletitas de avena, al tiempo que presenta al resto de la familia. Es la primera vez que Karina tiene a un bebé en acogimiento, tarea que fue madurando con tiempo en su cabeza durante algunos años. “Nosotros (con su pareja) lo habíamos hablado unos años antes, pero yo en ese momento respondí: ni loca. Creo que de egoísta nomás, pensé que no iba a poder soltarlos y eso es lo primero que te dicen: sos un paso hasta que consigan una familia. Pero Dios me puso en el camino y apareció la oportunidad. Y ese egoísmo de ‘no lo puedo soltar’ pasó a ser la necesidad de él por una familia que lo cuide”.

Cuando O. llegó a la casa de Karina, hacía rato que no habías pañales ni chupetes ni mamaderas dando vueltas. Su hija menor ya tenía 11 años y se había olvidado no solo de cómo se bañaban bebés, sino de lo que era estar en vela por las noches. “Tuve que salir a comprar lo básico y arranqué con un bebé recién nacido de cero, a despertarse cada tres horas y todo lo demás. Pero eso no fue difícil, estoy tan enamorada de este niño que nada de eso pesó”. Karina habla y se corrige todo el tiempo. Lo llama hijo, aunque sabe que no lo es y lo nombra como tal a cada rato, sabiendo que psicólogos y asistentes sociales le aconsejan que no debe involucrarse demasiado por el hecho de que pronto se va a ir. Pero ¿quién puede limitar algo tan poderoso como el amor? “Como madre y mujer, con él aprendí lo que es un amor incondicional que no se puede explicar, es dar sin importar nada. Es muy fuerte lo que se siente, es mágico y, al mismo tiempo, lo que él nos da es infinito. Hay que ver cómo quedamos con el después, pero volvería a vivir esto muchas veces, es una experiencia increíble. Esta relación es de por vida, sé que estará en otra casa y con sus padres, pero lo que pasó no lo olvidaré jamás”.

Al mirar a Karina uno piensa, ¿cómo hará? ¿Cómo hará para lograr esa valentía de criar propios y ajenos con tanta facilidad? Y ella responde sin dudarlo: “Es que no hay que pensarlo, hay que vivirlo. Con mis hijos tuve más miedo, pero esto es otra historia. Y aunque sé que cuando se vaya va a doler, todas las noches deseo que él encuentre una gran familia”.

Gabriela: “Para ellos, solo querés lo mejor sin poner tus ideales”

Gabriela también tiene cuatro hijos, pero, a diferencia de Karina, es la quinta vez que asume su rol de mamá de acogimiento. Cuenta que de a poco se fue acercando a la idea de cobijar a pequeños, primero colaborando y llevando elementos a instituciones y luego optando por esta modalidad con la que descubrió una nueva forma de entender tanto la vida como a las personas. Por la casa de Gabriela ya pasaron tres niñas y dos varones y de todos aprendió algo diferente, fundamentalmente de la segunda pequeña, con quien experimentó lo que desde la SENAF llaman “re-vinculación” con la familia de origen. “Antes de que se dictara la adopción, su mamá volvió y contó lo que había pasado. Hablamos con ella y después empezó a ver su beba. Fue una situación muy particular”, recuerda Gabriela, quien tanto se involucró con el caso que actualmente es la madrina de la niña. “Su mamá no quiso abandonarla, pero recién cuando uno conoce a las personas, entiende la historia que hay atrás. Muchas veces se juzga sin saber”.

Gabriela tiene una voz suave y su tiempo al hablar es tan tranquilo que hasta contrasta con el viento apurado de la siesta en la cual acordamos encontrarnos. Afuera todo parece ser urgente, sin embargo, dentro de su casa, todo es serenidad. Ella tiene en brazos al bebé, le prepara la mamadera, lo acuna de a ratos y, mientras lo hace, sigue narrando lo que significa para ella ser una guarda de amor, una persona que atesora recuerdos, imágenes, no solo en su memoria, sino también en cuadernitos que también se irán y que registran todo lo que ese bebé vivió mientras estuvo en su hogar. “Cuando recibimos a la primera beba, creíamos que la teníamos reclara. Estuvo dos meses y medio, se fue y nos quedaron muchas dudas: si estaría bien, si nos extrañaría… pero después todo se pasa”, detalla pausadamente. “Se sufre y mucho”, se sincera Gabriela, pero aclara que “es un amor mucho más puro, transparente, desinteresado. En tus hijos uno se ve reflejado, pero en estos niños no, solo querés lo mejor para ellos sin poner tus ideales. Cuando los mirás, no buscás parecidos, sino que estén bien”. Con cinco experiencias anteriores, Gabriela deja por sentado que lo suyo ya no es algo temporal, es “una forma de vida” que cambió sus perspectivas. “Yo siempre trabajé en casa y mi prioridad era la ropa limpia, que todo esté prolijo, la comida hecha a horario, y ahora eso no me importa, esas cosas son secundarias, ahora todo gira alrededor de los niños”. Para ella, cualquier mujer puede ser mamá de acogimiento: hay que tener “ganas de acompañar”. “Me interesa ayudar. A veces, no se puede cambiar su destino, pero por lo menos que vean que pueden elegir otra cosa, que hay otra opción”.

Silvia: “De la primera bebé me dijeron que no viviría una semana y la entregué con un año”

Uno de los propósitos de retratar a estas “madres de la guarda” era mostrar que cada una de ellas brinda amor de la misma manera y acomodan esa entrega en la tranquila o agitada rutina de sus vidas. El caso de Silvia, por ejemplo, es el de las mujeres autónomas y dispuestas a trabajar fuera de casa muchas horas, pero eso no le impidió ayudar y ofrecer amor tanto a propios como a ajenos. Silvia es dueña de una florería y, en medio de macetas, helechos y pensamientos, ella ubica el portabebés recién sacado del coche y se dispone a contar su experiencia. Llega medio a las corridas porque, dice, estuvo desde temprano haciendo estudios con G. –de dos meses y medio–, ya que, como nació prematuro, debe realizarle controles y análisis mensuales. Ella corre, pero G. ni se entera mientras duerme plácidamente bajo una manta. “Él es el tercer bebé que tengo, antes lo tuve a su hermanito y primero a una bebé que la sacamos con días de la Maternidad y la entregamos cuando cumplió un año”. Silvia no puede ocultar su emoción al recordar a J. y en las lágrimas que sostiene con fuerza se nota lo difícil que fue soltarla. “Fue una situación muy complicada porque nació con seis meses y pesaba un kilo. Cuando nos la llevamos, nos dijeron que posiblemente no viviría ni una semana y después la entregamos con un año. No te das una idea del amor que despliegan estos chicos. Yo tengo tres hijos y cinco nietos y todos la adoraban, todavía me pregunta por ella. Pero está de diez ahora con su familia adoptiva”, cuenta ya sonriendo, como aferrándose a esa idea del futuro feliz que finalmente le tocó a la pequeña.

Para Silvia, ver que esos niños que nacen desprotegidos consiguen “aferrarse a la vida” es el mejor de los regalos y con ese afán se levanta cada día. “Estos chicos vienen con una carga emocional grandísima y les cuesta afianzarse. Son bebés que, en general, no lloran porque los primeros días no recibieron contención familiar. Entonces, cuando vos te ponés a trabajar con ellos, primero para que abran sus ojos al salir de la incubadora y después para que busquen un contacto para que tengan ganas, para que piensen: acá está el hilo de la vida que había perdido, lo agarro y sigo, es increíble. Ellos vienen con un gran vacío. A estos chicos muchas veces no los traen al mundo con amor, no son cuidados durante el embarazo, no son queridos y cuando nacen, los dejan. Vienen cerrados a la vida y nuestro trabajo es, de a poco, que se abran de nuevo”.

Con 60 años, tres hijos ya padres y cinco nietos, Silvia cuenta que pensó que sería difícil no solo cuidar a un bebé otra vez, sino calificar como apta para hacerlo. “Cuando me anoté, no sabía si me iban a permitir, pero me dijeron que lo importante es la responsabilidad. Todos te dicen: vas a dejar de dormir, y es lógico, pero la verdad no lo vivo con cansancio. Con decir que lo único que me asustó fue armar el bolso para ir al pediatra (risas), una tontería. Creo que la cabeza comienza a trabajar de otra manera porque los peligros y riesgos no pesan. Todo se encamina, somos llevados por algo, todo fluye e incluso trasciende el círculo íntimo: amigos, colegas, compañeros de trabajo se encariñan con los niños, ayudan con ropa, cosas… Entonces, ¿por qué no hacerlo?”

(*) El nombre de los bebés no se publica para proteger a los menores.

Cómo convertirse en familia de acogimiento

Desde la Secretaría de Niñez, Adolescencia y Familia (SENAF), señalan que los requisitos para ser familias de acogimiento son simples. Hay que ser mayor de 18 años, presentar DNI y cumplir con el perfil que evalúa el equipo interdisciplinario de psicólogos y asistentes sociales. Una vez inscriptas, las familias pueden elegir hasta qué edad quieren aceptar a los niños, pero, en la gran mayoría, la opción suele ser hasta los primeros años. “Por lo general, se anotan para llevarse a bebés o a niños, con seis años ya les parecen grandes”, señalan desde la SENAF, y apuntan que sería fundamental contar con familias que tengan interés en recibir a chicos de cualquier edad. Sobre el procedimiento, explican: “Primero se hace un proceso de psicodiagnóstico y después se confecciona una lista. Hay condiciones excluyentes para elegir los grupos, como por ejemplo que no estén buscando un bebé o estén en tratamientos de fertilidad y que no estén en lista de adopción. Si son parejas sin hijos, tenemos más cuidado porque será más fuerte el deseo de quedarse con el niño. Es fundamental que ellos entiendan que esto es un cuidado temporario con todo lo que eso implica”. En cuanto a las características más visibles de estas familias, desde la secretaría señalan que la mayoría de ellas tiene hijos, por lo que se tiene en cuenta qué niños pueden recibir por la edad y las problemáticas. Por último, el equipo interdisciplinario señala que el diagnóstico finaliza con la trabajadora social en el domicilio. Muy importante es saber también que las familias de acogimiento no reciben ningún tipo de resarcimiento económico y que el apoyo de la SENAF se concreta con el acompañamiento del equipo profesional durante el proceso, la cobertura de salud de APROSS para los niños, leche y pañales. Los interesados pueden escribir al correo familiadeacogimiento@gmail.com o comunicarse al 0351 4343332.

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